What does one do when one really wonders where they are going in life? Does one jump ship when things get tough, whether they be at work, relationships, spiritual or otherwise? Does one just take the next opportunity that comes along, that looks more promising? What does one really do?
People say that to move forward you just have to put one foot in front of the other, however when a person doesn’t know where to put that foot, where do they put that foot? Do they just plop it down wherever it falls as fate would tell them, or do they rely on someone they know personally to guide them, or eve some stranger, or do they rely on a supernatural being to guide them?
That is where I am at the moment, or at least that is where I think I am at the moment. Where do I place my next step in life? Who do I trust for guidance? Do I believe in myself and what I think is best, or use someone else’s past knowledge? I really don’t know where I am going, and want to know NOW!
Does that make me a selfish person? Wanting to know where my life is headed? I want to see my life from an outsiders perspective, maybe that will help me. Maybe seeing the future would help me, knowing where I will be in six months time, or five years, or even 25 years. I’m pretty sure that will help me know where to put my next step in life, then again, maybe it won’t.
The more I think about giving up on Christianity, the more that I feel as though I really belong to Christianity. Is that normal for a person questioning themselves, their faith, and what they believe in? I’ve never really been in this situation before, and it is quite different to anything else.
I have been in positions similar, where I have questioned a call I made in the past, but I usually never get dragged back to where I previously stood. There has always been evidence pointing me towards the newer, better solution, but this time with Christianity, there is nothing to pull me away from it, except myself.
Maybe I’m not really questioning Christianity itself, maybe I just been questioning myself?
Does being a Christian mean you are supposed to be happy? I don’t know many Christians who are sad at all, other than maybe myself, and even then, that is the understatement of the year.
Do you remember the claim I made in my review post for 2009, and how I was wanting to blog weekly, preferably even just one post a week, and it looks at though I have failed already, even before the middle of February when I expected to fail.
I’ve also failed in another way, I’ve questioned my faith based upon the bible talk given by Paul Grimmond at NextGen2010 at Katoomba last week. He outlined that the qualities of a leader in a church, as shown in 1 Timothy 3, and said that really these qualities should be those of a Christian. Having reflected on my life since then, I feel as though I will probably never be able to stack up to those qualities, ever.
I’m trying to work out why someone would want to save me, a guy who can’t live up to the following qualities:
Being above reproach
There are many times I have been blamed and as such I can’t be above reproach
Husband of one wife
Well I’m not exactly married at the moment, I am engaged, so I suppose I meet this requirement
Temperate & Self-controlled
There are times where I can be extreme, and not show self-retraint
Respectable
Many people would respect me, even though I don’t think I deserve it
Hospitable
When do I enjoy speaking to strangers, hardly ever, unless they are engineers
Able to Teach
Well I failed to finish the Strand Group material didn’t I?
Not be Drunk
I enjoy a drink, although I have never been drunk, so I guess I pass
Not Violent
Does fighting with my brother count as violence? If so then I fail this requirement
Not Quarrellsome
I’m always fighting with people like April, about what the bible teaches/says
Not a lover of money
Who doesn’t want more money? I know I do
Out of the 11 qualities on that list, I am good enough for just 2 of the requirements, that is a mark of just 18%. If I met at least 6 out of the 11 then I might consider myself good enough, but I failed miserably.
If you think you can prove me wrong that I meet more of these qualities than please let me know, I just don’t feel it.
Here are my notes from Dave’s bible talk on Sunday evening. They are my interpretation, so feel free to use these notes as a starting point for your notes if you will be listening to the audio sermon oh Psalm 78.
Do you remember the claim I made in